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My journey with CRPS began seven years ago when I failed to hop a baby gate (yes, you read that right). At the time it was only in my left foot and after 5 months I learned how to walk on it with a minimal limp. After three years, I felt that I had the disease under control and that I could live my life for the most part normally.
But now my world has turned upside down again. I look back on that time and think did I really use to work full time, take care of my son, bake, cook and clean house with minimum impact. Could I have really been that lucky. Last year in July, I had a horrible encounter with the Hulk that left me with CRPS type 2 this time in both of my feet. Unfortunately, I have not been so quick to recover this time as I am still on crutches from this incident trying to learn to walk again. The pursuit of wanting to walk again after so long can make someone a little crazy and make them try desperate things all with the hope of walking like normal. Currently, I am laid up again after trying a cortisone shot to my right ankle to see if the swelling relieves enough for it to finally start healing. But that is life with a chronic illness. We will do anything to be normal or to experience the normal things that everyone else takes for granted even for a moment.
As I am no longer able to work full time, I am forced to pursue a new career avenue for me that I can work from home or pursue the possibility of filing for disability. As a person who has always treasured being independent and self-sufficient, this is the worst nightmare one can imagine. But it is my new normal and one I must embrace for the sake of myself and my loved ones.
Every day, I get out of bed and I focus on my son. My family is what keeps me motivated to fight and to continue every day to heal as much as I am capable. I help my son with his school work every morning as he is learning remotely. By mid afternoon when my husband is leaving for work, I find that I have exhausted every bit of strength and motivation I have. So while I let my son play some coveted video game time, I drag my worn out body back to bed for a two hour nap to try to recoup some of the energy I have already lost. When I get up from my daily nap, I face making dinner for myself and my son. Sometimes showers and getting him ready for bed. My son doesn't even question anymore if we order pizza for the second time that week or if we are eating on the couch again for the third time in a row.
I think the hardest part of living every day with chronic pain is that its hard on us but it's also hard watching our loved ones. It saddens me sometimes that my son will only be able to remember when his mom had this chronic illness. As a mom with chronic illness it certainly is hard to be Pinterest worthy. Life with chronic illness isn't easy for anyone those who experience or those that watch and it certainly isn't a life for the weak of heart.
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