I have been living with my chronic pain disease for seven years now. When my current husband and I started dating, I was upfront with him from the beginning about my condition and everything it entailed. I think I honestly thought it would be a great deterrent for most people as far as baggage was concerned (divorced, single mom and a chronic pain condition). But instead my now husband took initiative and did a lot of research on my condition. I was impressed, touched and thought it was a sweet gesture. We will be celebrating 4 years of being together come April and 3 years married come August. What I began to notice was that his mindset was we can fight this and by fighting it we can fix it and make it go away. He had seen the same research I had seen - there was no cure, there was no treatment but some people did go in to remission so the one positive piece of information is what he latched on to. At first, I was touched by his enthusiasm but also annoyed because that's just not how this works. The longer we have been together though I realize he is just that kind of person who also sees the glass as half full which can be very annoying.
In the beginning when we got together, I had CRPS Type 1 in my left foot and my back.. I was still able to do most things and live a full life. I then injured my right foot in July last year and developed CRPS Type 2 in my right foot. I think this sudden change has left us both uncertain. My husband has been a great support to me and has taken me to every doctors appointment and physical therapy appointment without complaint. He has been by my side through everything. However, I think we are both having difficulties adjusting to the thought that all my physical activities are modified now.
The biggest fight we have in the house these days is who is picking up and taking out the trash, who is doing the laundry and who is doing the dishes some nights even who makes the dinner. These are all things I use to do with very little complaining and my husband sat back and enjoyed not having to do it. But now that I am on crutches and my mobility is limited, he finds himself having to pick up more of the slack around the house. This shift in responsibility has caused some friction in the house and is a shift I think we are both getting use to.
Besides who is going to handle the chores, I think the biggest challenge for me with being married but having a chronic pain disease is that I force my husband in to a caretaker role. It's hard sometimes because is my best friend, my lover and my partner. But when he is checking to make sure I'm resting and I'm eating properly and everything else I need to do, I know he is in the mindset of a caretaker. Adding this role to a marriage definitely changes the parameters of a relationship and makes it different from others. However, in our case I would say in some ways it makes us closer because I know he is supporting me and showing he cares for me in some of the few ways he knows how.
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